The Chef Serves Hot Sex at 500 Feet

"I'm the type of dude who may be in a helicopter over the city having sex." - Raekwon, erstwhile Wu Tang Clan member, when queried as to his Valentine's Day plans.

Helicopters worry me. I don't generally believe in "flight" and a helicopter's excuse for aerodynamic potential is, in my mind, far less sufficient than things with wings and forward-thrusting propellers. I can make a paper airplane. I can not make a Sikorsky S-92.

Second issue is what helicopters represent. Most of the time, their presence indicates unrest. Police searching for a miscreant. TV news helicopter tracking a miscreant. Traffic helicopter telling me why I won't get there on time. If there's a helicopter swinging around, it's usually because there's shit going down.

But NOW I've got to worry about Raekwon having sex up there? Helicopters range in size, but they're normally pretty small. Raekwon is not small. Depending on the vigor of his love making endeavor, he could topple out! What am I supposed to do when a mid-coital Raekwon plummets through the roof? Am I responsible for feeding him? Do I loan him pants? Do I play him my demo? Does this mean I have to make a demo???

And Raekwon's a creative guy, but did he come up with this helicopter sex concept or is there an entire sexcopter trend I wasn't aware of? Laugh now, but when a naked Kathy Griffin lands in your backyard and you've got to call her a cab, it won't be so amusing. Do you really want to look up and see Gene Simmons getting his sexcopter on? Not me. Sometimes "up" is my favorite place to look.